the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
There r osticjed everywhere
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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