so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
