My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
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