Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
