i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
