My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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