she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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