I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
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Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
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I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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