Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
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