Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
