why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
