dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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