I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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