just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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