With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
