its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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