i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize