No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
