I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
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my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
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i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.