I puked a lego.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
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I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
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He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.