Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Randomize
