well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.