I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
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Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
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I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.