Texts From Last Night

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  (810): View more from Michigan

  Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??

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  (810): Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me?? http://tfl.nu/91ci
  Replies (2) Good night (1212) Bad night (1555)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.

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  (207): We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math. http://tfl.nu/vxcn
  Replies (85) Good night (1598) Bad night (609)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them

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  (508): just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them http://tfl.nu/j2g6
  Replies (10) Good night (4085) Bad night (768)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.

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  (917): I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever. http://tfl.nu/rwuq
  Replies (38) Good night (7309) Bad night (778)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.

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  (319): The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me. http://tfl.nu/ughv
  Replies (3) Good night (1071) Bad night (2871)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.

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  (+44): You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack. http://tfl.nu/2spc
  Replies (12) Good night (4237) Bad night (1119)
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  (207): View more from Maine

  And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.

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  (207): And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition. http://tfl.nu/ff1h
  Replies (4) Good night (1270) Bad night (2681)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.

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  (540): It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd. http://tfl.nu/h39y
  Replies (8) Good night (2414) Bad night (1272)
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  (778): View more from British Columbia

  Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.

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  (778): Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties. http://tfl.nu/x4bh
  Replies (3) Good night (1526) Bad night (780)
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  (979): View more from Texas

  A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.

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  (979): A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her. http://tfl.nu/dqlo
  Replies (12) Good night (1053) Bad night (1944)
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  (208): View more from Idaho

  I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?

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  (208): I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off? http://tfl.nu/5ghu
  Replies (3) Good night (1529) Bad night (518)
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  (281): View more from Texas

  I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.

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  (281): I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot. http://tfl.nu/j0eg
  Replies (2) Good night (501) Bad night (389)
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  (817): View more from Texas

  I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.

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  (817): I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones. http://tfl.nu/bbiz
  Replies (3) Good night (789) Bad night (344)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?

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  (248): Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents? http://tfl.nu/sosc
  Replies (1) Good night (568) Bad night (354)
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  (409): View more from Texas

  god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT

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  (409): god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT http://tfl.nu/3fvk
  Replies (1) Good night (216) Bad night (240)

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