he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
