Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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