dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Randomize
