they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
