i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
