that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
