I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
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