i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
