Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I pour the whiskey from now on
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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