Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
