You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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