dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
