If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
He felt like a one man threesome
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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