I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
