He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
