i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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