mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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