u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
