Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Gay?
German.
Pity.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Randomize
