Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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