hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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