somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
