You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
