Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I think I won the penis lottery.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
