the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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