My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
