My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
