Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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