Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
