Im at strip club and am horny
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
