whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
