I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
