i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
