Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
