I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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