I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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