..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
