In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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