It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
