I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
