So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Let's paint friendship bongs
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Randomize
