dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
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She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
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I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
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