she looked like the before picture.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
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