this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
