Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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