I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
