dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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