K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
