we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
