If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Randomize
