You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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