You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
