I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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