apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He better not be in your backpack
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
