After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
