Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
