I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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