By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
