I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
