fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
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