How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
